I wasn’t happy in that relationship, and the hardest part is that no one knew. Everyone jokes that I’m a terrible actor, but somehow I gave the performance of my life. I fooled everyone, my family, my closest friends, maybe even myself for a while.

Behind closed doors, it was different. He was manipulative, selfish, and somehow always found a way to make everything about him. I spent so much time making excuses for things that were slowly breaking me. I wasted some of my best years trying to make something work with someone who seemed more interested in what I could do for him than in truly loving me.

Eventually, I started to feel used. Like I was good enough to keep around, but he was always looking to see if something “better” would come along. At the same time, he never wanted me to shine too brightly. He didn’t want other people admiring me, liking me, or seeing the good in me. He wanted to be the one everyone loved. The one everyone thought was great. And I learned how to make myself smaller so he could feel bigger.

I was young. I was naive. I ignored things I would never ignore now, forgave things I should have walked away from, and stayed far longer than I should have.

But boy, did he teach me.

He taught me what manipulation looks like when it’s disguised as love. He taught me how easily you can lose yourself trying to keep someone else happy. He taught me that being chosen by someone means nothing if being with them requires you to abandon yourself.

And most importantly, he taught me who I will never allow myself to become again.

Maybe those weren’t my best years after all. Maybe my best years are the ones I get to live now, knowing what I know, trusting myself again, and never making myself smaller for someone else.